As if it isn’t hard enough to get the much sought after date in the first place, the dilemma of how much contact to have in between dates in a tough one. Women are complex creatures, and what works for one, in terms of expectations around levels of contact, doesn’t necessarily work for another.
There isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ approach to this unfortunately, so here are some sensible suggestions, as to how you can make sense of this head scratcher.
Keep a steady flow of contact initially
In the early stages of dating a new girl, until you have settled in to what seems to be a comfortable, and mutually agreeable routine of communication, it’s best to keep a steady flow of contact. A man needs to let his girl know she’s in his thoughts, but not to an extent where it may scare her off, if over-doing it makes you seem like an obsessive stalker.
Are there timings of contact I need to consider?
You may even need to be a little bit calculated about timings at first, even if you are pitching at one, maybe two texts or instant messages per day, so avoid sending one the moment you wake up, but consider waiting until you’ve got to work, that way, if she’s hoping you’ll text first thing, and is a little disappointed when you don’t, she’ll be pleasantly surprised when that message ‘pings’ through at the beginning of the working day. As for any more contact at this stage, keep it with one in the morning, and maybe a second just after you’ve had dinner in the evening, but avoid the bed time period, as this can at times lead prematurely in to the ‘sexting’ zone, which is something that should happen much later down the line. How much contact to have in between dates is one, dilemma, when to have contact is a totally different one!
Working out what the girl expects
I know it’s probably not cool to directly ask someone what level of contact they like, or expect, but actually, asking may not only provide you with the answer you were looking for, but actually make you look pretty damn considerate for even asking? Inadvertently, it could score you huge ‘Brownie points’. You could bring this up as a light-hearted discussion over your first date, or generally put the feelers out by asking indirect questions, which may also provide you with the answer. Whatever you do, don’t leave it to guesswork, you will only get it wrong!
Too much too soon can ruin things
As much as it is easy to get carried away with constant exchanging of messages, when you are consumed by the excitement and mystery of a new girl, it can also be a major contributing factor to quashing any hope of sustaining this, enough to support a long term relationship. If texting and messaging start off on a ‘high’ level, the expectation to continue it at this level, even after months, becomes more likely, when in reality, when we become comfortable with someone, we feel less inclined to message, as we are confident of our place in the relationship.
Consider good old fashioned phone-calls
Especially for the under twenty five age-group, the tendency to communicate via a form of texting, be in Snapchat, instant messaging, Facebook messenger, or simple text messaging, appears to be the ‘staple’ method of communication. How many of us actually pick up a phone and speak to someone as a regular form of communication nowadays? Probably very few in reality. Believe it or not, girls are pleasantly surprised when a guy has the foresight to call her. A phone-call can display far more about a person’s mood, personality, and general demeanour, than could ever be gauged by text. In reality, a lot of friction in the early stages of getting to know someone can be caused by misinterpretation.
As much as establishing clearly, how much contact to have between dates is important, it is also essential that once you’ve found this out, you remain consistent in your approach. Girls, unlike men, tend to analyse and consider things like this too much, even in the early stages, and even a difference between one text, or two in a morning, can lead to all sorts of analysis taking place, and the worst case scenario, an episode of early conflict arising, due to an assumption that you are less keen, or not interested at all. Women are sometimes more analytical and calculated than men think, and where men may be oblivious to the fact that they’ve even altered their level of communication, a girl may be sensitive to even the slightest change.
Make sure you are happy with the agreed level
It’s all very well establishing how much contact to have between dates, but importantly, you also have to be happy with the level agreed upon. If it is apparent your date is one for messaging day and night, which could be rather time consuming, then you may feel this doesn’t fit in with your routine, as for example, if you work full-time, possibly go to the gym in the evening, being bombarded by messages that you are unable to keep up with, just might not work for you. On the reverse of this, your girl may be a fan of occasional contact only, and again this might not be at your level of expectation, or indeed need, as you may need the reassurance that she is involving you frequently in her day.
The crucial thing with all of this is to establish very early on, how both of you like to ‘play’ things. As trivial as this may seem, how much contact to have on first dates may reflect other traits and needs of the girl, good and bad, therefore you could find out quite a lot more by approaching this sometimes tricky subject as early as possible.